Blood Brother

A few weeks ago, I determined that if I were to watch anything on TV, it must at least leave me smarter than before. And seeing as I have already learned all that I possibly can from Frasier Crane and Ray Barone...  :)

I caught several interesting documentaries that week.

One in particular was "Blood Brother" on Netflix.  http://www.bloodbrotherfilm.com/

It features the story of a young man who discovers that he has a profound heart for the children in an HIV orphanage in India. And so he does whatever he can to stay there with them and care for them. 

So humbling. Encouraging. And convicting.

But, one statement in particular really caught my attention and stuck with me. He said ~ 

  "I could live in a nicer house... there's a lot of reasons why I don't do that. I think it creates a separation... Other people can't turn off their suffering or medicate their suffering with money. But, when you put those same standards on yourself, it almost forces your heart to change."

Wow. 

So true.

Rocky could, even in ministering to these people, place himself in a more comfortable situation than those he cares for. But, he doesn't. He keeps himself on the same level. In the same conditions. It matters for both he and the children that he do so. In that, I believe it reinforces that they are not simply charity, but his family. He is one of them. And, as such, truly understands their struggle.

How different would our lives look and others' look, if we lived by this example and more readily entered into the messiness of others' lives. And not merely gave from a place of our own comfort?

The Power of Just One

Many times, over the years, I've thought about how very different a life can be with (or without) just one person.   

One person who 'gets you'.

One person you click with.

One person to do life with.

I can't help but think that I'd be a much more interesting person if I just had that one person. 

I love to travel. Have a whole bucket list of places I would love to see. But, who wants to go alone?

So, while everyone else talks about weekend trips and getaways and asks how my weekend was, all I have to offer is "It was alright."  

(I tried to even go alone to a state park a couple hours away once by myself, years ago, because I wanted to go and was tired of missing out just because I didn't have someone to go with. So I bucked up, packed up a lunch and headed out. The drive there was fine. It was a beautiful Fall day. But, by the time I got there and got my lunch out, surrounded by all kinds of people there with loved ones, I choked down my sandwich and choked down tears the whole way home.) I wasn't made to do life alone.

If I had but one guy - I'd more than likely have a nice home. I'd probably have had many a sleep-over nights with my niece and nephew.

Might even have my own kids running around. A house full of craziness. But never a dull moment. 

And man, how different that would be.

With just one, I might not feel like an appendage to family gatherings. I would have my own entity within it. And not everything would hinge on my sister's family. (Which I think would be a relief to them as well.)

I'd have sooo many more unforgettable moments. And someone to remember them with.

Gosh, I think... the power of just one.

But, then I think of the One I do have in my life. And the limitless power of that One. The holy One. The One who laid the very foundations of this earth. The One for whom the stars dance and sun shines. The One who both precedes and follows me. Who I can never escape from! Even in darkness, I cannot hide from Him. (Psalm 139)

It may be lonely at times. But, I am not alone.

I may feel stuck at times. But, He's stuck right there with me.

And for that One, I am eternally grateful for.

Missing Someone I Have Never Met

If you've ever seen the movie "Facing the Giants" then you probably remember the scene. (Especially, if you've seen it as many times as I have.) 

Brooke and Grant Taylor have been struggling with infertility and despite the recurring disappointment, Brooke maintains a hope that one day, they will have children in their home. Someone to read to. Someone to teach songs to. And ends by saying "How can I miss someone so much, that I have never met?"

Man, do those words resonate with me.    

Though I have never had the 'ticking clock', overwhelming desire to have children, I do struggle with this overwhelming desire to be with someone I've (evidently) not yet met.

Will I ever meet the one whom I long for, this side of glory? Only God knows.

But, I believe the older I get, the more I begin to recognize another deep longing within me as well. The desire to be with the One I have yet to meet; God himself. 

And I believe that overwhelming desire will be met. One day.

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."  (C.S. Lewis)

God... and Chili Dogs

This past Monday, I was determined to start my week off right - up and at 'em early and time spent with God.

I felt a little twinge of guilt as I checked Facebook real quick - but alas, God was ready to meet me even there.

The first post I came across that morning was from that of a friend of mine from high school. And after reading what he posted, that was all I needed to read that morning. And I was ready to get up and face the day in praise!

Below is that post.

Read and be blessed.  :)

~

I have been living in Dallas Texas for the last 5 months. During this time I have been fortunate enough to witness the blessings of my Creator, not only through His impact on my life, but through the faithfulness and obedience of some truly spectacular young men. (Yes I am officially old enough to say that)

Four months ago I was called to head to downtown Dallas and feed the homeless. I had never done anything like this before and had no idea where to go. I went to Home Depot and bought a small gas grill, then headed to Kroger and bought hotdogs and all the fixings. I Googled homeless shelters in the area and decided where I was going to make my triumphant debut to save the less fortunate, or at least give them a hotdog. When I arrived at my destination I was disappointed to see that there were no homeless in sight. I sat in my truck and wondered what I was doing there. I had already spent this money and it appeared that it may have all been in vain. As I sat there and began to grow more and more discouraged it finally dawned on me. I had been obedient to God's call by getting up and moving, but had decided not to take him on the journey with me. You see, once I has succumbed to the initial urge I took off without asking God about step two, the execution of His plan. When I finally stopped and asked for guidance God took me on a journey that would change my life forever. 

When I left the first location, I drove for about 5 minutes while praying that God would guide me to the location of His choosing. After a few turns I drove down a street that was packed with people in need. I found two parking spaces on a side road and setup my makeshift kitchen there. As I fired up the grill and began to organize the food, a few people started to form a line in anticipation of the delicious hotdogs that were about to be served. While the hotdogs were cooking, I was asked if I had any cold water. I am in downtown Dallas Texas, in the middle of the summer, preparing hotdogs on a day when the temperature exceeded 100 degrees and I didn't bring any cold water! How could anyone be so stupid!? Within 60 seconds of the first request for cold water a man and women pulled up and asked if they could park next to me. I had no idea what they were there for but told them to feel free. When they exited their SUV the man opened the back and pulled out two coolers full of cold water. I WAS STUNNED! I asked him how often they came down and he told me it was their first time! That fast God had answered a need that I didn't plan for, with people who had never done this before and were guided to my exact location! That my friends was a humbling and exciting moment in my life. 

Shortly after I started handing out hotdogs, I began to feel like it wasn't enough. The people were very appreciative of my efforts but I couldn't shake the feeling that I should have prepared more. At that exact moment a convoy of vehicles pulled up and a man named Jeff Polk stepped out with his army of God's servants. The location that God had guided me to turned out to be an area where Jeff's team served at regularly. On this day they happened to be serving chili. I'll say it again, they were serving chili! Who doesn't love a chili dog? Jeff came over to me and asked if I would be interested in teaming up with them for the day to provide a real treat for the people waiting in line. I responded with a YES! What a mighty God we serve! 

As things began to wind down for the day Jeff introduced me to a friend of his named Sven Nickerson. It turned out that both of these young men had founded organizations with the explicit purpose of taking Christ's love to the streets. God had dropped me right in the middle of a movement lead by some very faithful and obedient young men who have gotten in on the ground floor of something spectacular. I knew right then that these were some true Kingdom Men!

Over the last few months I have witnessed Jeff Polk, Sven Nickerson, Chris Rogers, Taurayon Henderson and a host of others, take the words of the Bible and apply them in a way that impacts not only their community, but the people serving along with them. I have watched these men take money from their own pockets and purchase food for the homeless, when the donations ran out, just so no one went away without a meal. I have seen them take shoe strings out of their personal shoes so that someone could lace their sneakers up. I have seen these men put their arms around people who have not showered in weeks just to let them know they are loved. I have participated in prayers with these men that have meant more to me on any given day than these fellas will ever know. I have seen Christ in these men.

I have told you all of this because I want you to know that these men are the real thing. They are not doing this for the recognition, they are not doing this to make a name for themselves and they are not doing this to become rich in this world. They are doing this because they know that it is their destiny to show the world Christ's love.

Please pray for these men and their organizations. While you are praying please ask God if you should support these men with financial contributions to their cause. It's not often that I can confidently say your offerings will be used to advance God's Kingdom, but I can assure you these guys are legit. Below are the Facebook pages for their ministries. Please look through their posts and message them if you feel compelled to help. I am truly going to miss these guys when I head back to Louisville this week, but they have inspired me to carry this movement home. I can't wait to see what God has planned for us all!

Faithwalkers Charities

Rest Eazy feeding the homeless 

God bless!

(courtesy of Chris Caldwell)

Thanks so much for sharing your story, Chris!

Can't wait to see how He continues to move through you, brother!

Stray

I don't consider myself a crazy cat lady.

I'm sure there are others who would disagree. 

But, as I so often defend: I care for cats, but neither inclusively nor exclusively. In other words, I don't only care for cats. And I don't care for all cats. There have been several I couldn't stand, actually.

And I only have one under my roof with me.

One.

It just so happens that cats are the ones who tend to show up on your doorstep. And if they have a sweet disposition or have a look on their face like "What am I doing out here on my own? Please take me in!" - then I cave. 

Anyway... 

Two to three months ago, I had a sweet one show up outside my balcony who looked like she could use a meal, so I came in and got a handful of cat food and gently tossed it down to her. This often ends up scaring most of them away, but after having stepped back, she came back up to check it out and then ate her little heart out.

After that, it became our routine. If I saw her coming down the sidewalk (which was every couple days or so), I would gently call her over, she would come just far enough to check things out, I would toss some down and she would then procede to eat. 

Then, several weeks ago, I tossed a couple handfuls down to her and as she started to dig in, she started shaking her head. Uh, oh... Ants. 

Sure enough. From the nights that I was a little too generous, the excess food on the ground had attracted ants. And it seemed that I had lured her in just to get eaten up in ants.

Broke my heart. It saddened me to watch her, knowing she was so hungy (and around this same time, had actually just delivered a litter), taking a bite then shaking her head. Trying to get in there again and take another bite, then shaking her head. Finally, to walk away after only managing a few bites.

I felt so bad. I wanted to tell her 'That was not from me. I had only wanted to care for you.'

I didn't see her again after that - until this afternoon. Nearly a month later.

I had actually begun to think that something had either happened to her or perhaps (and hopefully) someone had kindly taken her in to care for her.

But, she is still out there. On her own. Looking for food. Fending for herself. But, I didn't see her outside my balcony. She was looking elsewhere to be fed. 

And it's not for my lack of looking out for her. I have stepped out onto that balcony countless times over these last weeks, looking for her. Hoping to see her. Worrying about her. Longing to care for her once again.

But, now I can't help but think that she hasn't been back, by choice. Because she was hurt last time. That trust broken. Even though she had been provided for time and time again leading up to the ants; watched over and spoken tenderly over... She was willing to just walk away over one painful moment.

And tonight, as I looked out there once again, with no sign of her in sight, I thought - 

How many times have I been the same way? 

I have had a Provider, tending to my needs, speaking gently over me, reassuring me, caring for me in an unpredictable world. And yet I'm prone to walk away from the very One who cares for me, due to some uncomfortable moments. 

And all the while, He keeps looking... scanning the horizon... waiting expectantly to care for me once again.

What Might Have Been

Gosh - In some ways, it feels like it was last week. 

Yet, in other ways, it feels like it's been a lifetime ago.

This week, I've had a lot of 'What might have been's going through my mind. 

September 17th has stuck with me for 20 years now. It was this date, back in 1995, that I met the guy I thought I would marry. There have been others over the years, and all have remained special to me - but this one always hits me differently.

Maybe because this is the one I essentially ended. When I gave the ring back. 

I knew when I did, all of what I was giving up. He was a wonderful, sweet, considerate, fun-loving guy  with a loving, enveloping family. And yet, for whatever reason, I felt it the right thing to do. I had no absolute reason; it was just a gut thing. And I have never doubted that it was the right decision. Not that it was an easy one.

But now, all this time later... I find myself thinking... What if?

What if I had just gone through with the wedding... the marriage?

Would we have been able to work through whatever it was that gave me reservations?

Would we have been stronger for it?

Or would we have continued to struggle and grow apart?

I guess it doesn't really matter. We'll never know. 

If my 20 yr old self knew that I would still be single at 41, I may have been more inclined to have stuck it out and taken my chances. I don't know. 

What I do know is, I am stronger and wiser for the road I have taken. There are lessons I never would have learned had I not loved and lost in such a profound way. And I will always cherish him and his family for what they meant to me. And for these things I am thankful.

(lyrics to 'What Might Have Been' by Little Texas)

Need a Lift?

Tonight, after work, and sitting down with some dinner, and my thoughts (always dangerous)... I began to feel a bit overwhelmed. Discouraged. And a little broken down.

Just then, through misty eyes, I cast a glance outside. And I noticed a tow truck looping around in the parking lot. He circled around, facing away from me and then drew up his hitch... in the shape of a beautiful cross before me. The next minute, he was gone.

Such a sweet, simple reminder. 

If you're broken down... be it spiritually, emotionally, financially or physically... look no further than the cross. Its power can lift you back up and carry you on to a place of refuge and restoration.

Overcome

Thursday. The time had come. The aroma of the final supper fresh in the air. A few more moments left for any words yet left unspoken. Some words of advice. Some that cut deep. And some final words of reassurance. All spoken out of great love. And deep devotion. With great humility, dusty feet are lovingly washed. Even those of the one who would betray. Bread is broken. Wine shared and savored. Moments to be cherished. Symbols to be remembered.

A little while later, dusk settles in over a sheltering olive grove. Weary followers drift. While gut-wrenching prayers are offered up. Beads of sweat, mixed with that of blood. Final petitions for another way, ultimately relenting to the desire for a greater good.           

Friday. Beaten. Bruised. Humiliated. Scorned. Flogged. Broken, hanging on a cross. Bearing the brunt of the evil of a fallen world. Hopes are crushed. Broken hearts left grappling. 'Does it really end like this?' 'Where do we go from here?' Darkness falls. A veil is torn. One final breath draws out: “It is finished.”    

Saturday. Fresh blood still trails up the hillside. The body lays behind a large cold stone. Loved ones meet in heavy silence. No words sufficient to satisfy their souls. Lost. Alone. Confused. Broken. A jug on the table still holds some of the wine. The basin in the corner still holds dirtied water. What did it all mean? Was it all just in vain? It may seem like a dream if the pain weren’t so real. The void so profound. All hope lost. The final words that still linger in the air now only seem to mock their weary minds and torture their broken hearts. “It is finished” now resonates more than anything else.

“It is finished.”

That’s how it sometimes feels, doesn't it? Finished. A dream gets crushed. A relationship ends. A greatest fear becomes realized in an unexpected diagnosis.

But, it’s not necessarily finished, is it? At least not in the way our worldly minds tend to think. In a way that would lead us to believe that all we are left with are some lingering memories and a cold heavy stone before us.

No, if you are in Christ, you know that "It is finished" is not a resignation, but rather a declaration that a battle has been won. You may not yet see that victory played out, but you can rest assured that a greater work is taking place. And when that stone finally gets rolled away, you will be left singing His praises, wondering how you could have ever had the slightest doubt that He would overcome.

The Elusive Sunrise

I am obsessed with sunsets. Sometimes I wonder if they've always been as radiant as they seem these days or if it actually took me that long before I began to notice and truly appreciate them. 

Then, I can't help but wonder how many folks out there may be driving headlong into one... and simply do not see it. And, how could they possibly miss it?

Well, when my sister mentioned the possibility of us heading over to the coast to catch a sunrise one morning during our stay at her place in Florida, I couldn't help but be tempted. Even though I am not a morning person. In the least. But... time slipped away and I suppose we got a bit too lazy and just never made it over there to catch one.

So, while on our stay at Cocoa Beach, on the way home, I had decided that I was going to take advantage of my last chance to catch it rise over the ocean (until who knows when). I kept watching the weather and though the rain had held off for us up to that point, there was a good chance it would be rolling in just in time for the sun to come up that day.

Bummer.

Still. I had to at least try to catch it.

So, though I normally sleep like a rock, I awoke when I heard Dad get up at about 4 a.m. and I did not go back to sleep. I just kept checking the time, to be sure I didn't miss my chance. 

Finally! 6:45! One more glance at the weather app... Sure enough - clouds are rolling in. Gotta hurry!

Got out of bed, like a kid on Christmas morning and threw on some shoes, a jacket and my hair in a quick ponytail. Asked around if anyone would like to join me....

Umm... No. 

Got it.  ;)

Grabbed my phone and key card and snuck out the door. 

You could almost feel the atmosphere swelling, awaiting the approaching showers.

'But, maybe it'll hold off.'

We were only staying one block away from the beach, so I headed into the wind that had kicked up and made my way to the beach access.

There... peeking through the gathering clouds... a little glow of light. 

My sunrise.

Awww... Okay. So, it wasn't quite as glorious as I'd been hoping for. But, it was still beautiful in its own right and worth losing a few hours of sleep for. 

And it was very peaceful out there.

So, I just took my time walking closer to the shore to see if it might manage to peek out some more before being completely engulfed in clouds.

Uh oh... Now, we're talking. 

And just so you have an idea of what the sun was up against that morning...

This was just to the north of where I was facing:

Just a matter of time....

Which would win out... The radiant sun? or the menacing clouds?

Only time would tell now.

Lo and behold...

Just when it seemed that the storm clouds had all but won...

Radiance began to shine forth.

And then took our collective breath away.

There were only a handful of us on the beach that morning, but we were all completely mesmerized. 

A gentleman who was out running, slowed down to snap a picture and say 'Wow! Really beautiful, isn't it!'

And it certainly was.

And just like that...

It was gone.

And I found myself seeking refuge from the rain shower that had now settled in.

But, the rain of a thousand storm clouds couldn't put a damper on that beautiful moment.

Trip to South Florida

I finally made it down to see my sister and her family in South Florida, where they've been living for the past year. And aside from the eight hours it took for me to get there... by plane... it was a really good trip.

Spent the first couple of days just lazing about and taking it easy. Just enjoying the time away from it all. 

   (View from Emery's bedroom window)

That Monday, we all headed out to the children's museum in town. It was pretty fun. Emery had a blast with the flight simulators. Savannah loved playing with all the magnets and seeing how high she could stack them. I personally could've hung out and watched the sweet little otters all day long. So busy... doing absolutely nothing. After the museum, we enjoyed a tasty dinner beachside. 

The next day, Jodi had arranged for she and myself and the kids to ride horses on a trail ride nearby. Who'd have guessed... Trail riding in South Florida. But, it was fun. I hadn't been in... let's just say: ages. Which my butt reminded me during the ride, and my legs promptly reminded me upon dismount. But, it was fun. 

   (The 'gang'... Savannah and Emery on their horses, me and my 'Prince' and Jodi on Sierra.)

After the ride, the kids didn't seem too determined to head to the butterfly house, so we decided to hit the beach again instead. Beautiful day for it, too! And we were not the only ones who thought so! (Emery's decided it shouldn't be the Sunshine State, but rather the Retirement State. Haha.)

But, the kids had a blast playing in the cold water and building sand castles... while Jodi and I just enjoyed the sun and the breeze... and the view.

   (Sum Beach... Sum where)

By the next day, it was time to head home. Mom and I decided to take the 'long way' home and drive up the coastline instead of I-75 and take our time getting back. Glad we did. The first day, we were able to take in the Kennedy Space Center and were there most of the day. Very impressive. That night, we had a yummy dinner at a steakhouse that came recommended by a friend of Mom's. Good call.

The next morning, I was bound and determined to catch the sunrise. Jodi had mentioned us doing that one morning while at her place, but we never made it. So, I knew this was my last chance of seeing it rise over the ocean... until who knows when. No one wanted to join me, but that's okay. It was well worth the getting up early and getting rained on shortly thereafter. It was absolutely beautiful.

   (Captivating Sunrise at Cocoa Beach)

While we were in Cape Canaveral, Jodi mentioned to me another place that may be on some interest while we were in the area. Just down the road from Kennedy Space Center was an Old Testament Tabernacle replica. Sounded pretty interesting, so we went ahead and stopped by on our way out of town.

Though there were only 4 of us there to see it and we had not reserved ahead of time, they were gracious enough to sit us down and go over all the significant parts of the Tabernacle with us and uncover the actual replica for us outside and walk us through it. Very touching. And evident that it is near and dear to the folks who operate the place. So glad they took the time with us.

   (http://www.oldtestamenttabernacle.org/tabernacle-locations )

From Cape Canaveral, we made our way up to old St. Augustine. I hadn't been there in... ages either. 

I have fond memories of St. Augustine and it's still just the sweetest place. Wish it hadn't been so brisk and windy that day, but we still enjoyed the visit. Savannah enjoyed the art shops they had there. 

   (Making our way up to the fort. I was enamored with the clouds that day. They looked painted up there.)

By that evening, Mom and Dad said they were tired of eating, but Mom needed to eat something to take her meds with, so we found a local little seafood place just up the road from where we were staying. It was just like our hometown Neely's seafood restaurant. Sweet little family-run place. So, Mom and I just placed an order and took it back to the room to eat with Dad (who just wanted dessert) and Savannah.

That wrapped up the trip, just short of the 5 remaining hours to get home. But, it really wasn't bad. Good weather. Not much traffic. And lots of good memories.