The Gift of Single... at 43

If God simply granted wishes, I'd have married a high school sweetheart (and, of course, lived happily ever after - preferably in a cute little farmhouse on some land somewhere where it never goes above 80 degrees).

If He simply answered prayers, I'd have most certainly married by 43.

But, sometimes He gives us gifts that we don't want, aren't quick to see the value in and would never ask for. 

It's only taken me about 40 years to begin to discover the gift that singleness can be (and to stop rolling my eyes and huffing whenever I read 1 Corinthians 7:7).

   "God gives the gift of single life to some, the gift of married life to others."

(I can't be the only one to have read that and thought "Psh... if it's a gift, where can I exchange it?")

Yes, it is a much simpler life. Less complication. Less 'hassle'. Less mess. 

But, also less companionship. Less communication. Less support.

Point being: there's good and bad to most everything. And I believe Paul is just trying to help us to realize that God is a giver. And whether you find yourself married or not, it's a gift. Not only to be received, but to use. In both regards.

Don't waste so much time and energy resenting the gift that you've been given, that you miss what the gift beholds.

In my 20s, I just expected to get married. It was all but given. It's what you do. Go to college, meet someone, graduate, get married, have kids, get a career, retire, play with some grandbabies... boom. 

Wrong.

In my 30s, I fluctuated between being bitter and resentful that it hadn't happened for me yet (when it seemed to fall into place so easily for everyone else) and holding out hope that it still would somehow for me. 

Wrong again.

In my 20s, I didn't regard the gift at all. 

In my 30s, I focused solely on the gift of marriage and wondered if mine had somehow gotten lost in the mail, wondering if there was some sort of tracking number I could get my hands on somewhere. 

Now in my 40s, I can honestly say that my focus has shifted. From the gift to the Giver. 

I still have a great desire to marry. But, I desire Him more. I still long for intimate companionship, but He knows me better than anyone else ever could. And loves me unconditionally. I still would love to talk to someone besides myself or my cat when I get home. But, He is always available to talk to, is the best listener you can find and even answers if you give Him a chance.

I believe that God has brought me to this place, so I can know Him in ways that would have been hard for me to know if I were married. Seeking His counsel, trusting His protection and provision, focused solely on Him and the things of His heart and resting in His loving arms.

What a beautiful gift indeed.  

Back To Life

This guy's music ministers to my soul like no other these days.

So grateful for him! He literally gets me through each and every day at work.

And I am so glad that he just released his new album 'Back to Life' this past Friday!

I cannot get enough of "See You Again". Powerful anthem that invokes such hope and resolve. Love it! Check it out!  https://youtu.be/fChUxSW9-bk  (I dare you to listen to that and not come away charged up for the Lord and what He can do!)  :)

'Next'

Okay. So, I've already been falling behind in my blog posting. I blame my UC flare, which has not let up in the least. 

BUT - was so thankful that I was able to make it up to Johnson Ferry Baptist Church once again this year, to hear Lisa Harper and Meredith Andrews.

This was our 3rd time joining Johnson Ferry for their annual Women's Conference. They always do such a great job. And it's just such a warm, welcoming bunch.

The theme this year, Next, was based on Philippians 3:14 - "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Forgetting what may lay behind you, but also dealing with anything that keeps you from pressing forward.

Their Women's Ministry leader, Marsha gave a great illustration.

She said one of her favorite things is to go to the spa. She typically gets a hot stone massage and it just helps her unwind and relax. So, not long before the conference, she made an appointment for her usual massage, to help her deal with all the tensions of planning such a huge event. And so, she soon found herself, laid down, face in the hole, prepared for a peaceful time of relaxation and pampering. Instead, she heard "I don't know how anyone can live like this." To her surprise, the massage therapist not only was not quiet, she was critically commenting on her left shoulder, which had grown quite tight. Marsha was taken aback. She said the therapist continued "We can go ahead and do the massage as planned... or I can work on this shoulder. But, it's going to be uncomfortable." Marsha laid there and thought "I just came in for some pampering." "But, I will tell you, if you don't get this shoulder worked on, it will only become tighter and harder to work out next time." So Marsha relented and had the shoulder worked on. And it hurt! Not the relaxing, peaceful time she'd looked forward to. But, she knew the work was necessary, going forward. "Now, you do realize that if you don't continue to work on strengthening this shoulder when you leave, it will only mean more work on it again later." After the therapist had begun the work, it was up to Marsha to continue the work.

So relevant to the Christian walk. Oftentimes, we have things in our lives that we must 'work out', in a manner of speaking, so we can better move forward.

We were each asked to write down what was keeping us from moving foward into what God had next for us. Their ministry team went through them all that night and prayed over each one. And the next morning, they reported that the overwhelming majority wrote that it was none other than fear that seized them and kept them from what God has in store.

I must admit, that was my answer as well. And it was comforting to know I was in such great company.

Now, to do the hard work of getting that fear worked out, so I can better strain for that goal ahead.

Meredith Andrews leading worship on Friday night.

Our very own 5ft Missy finally got to meet Lisa's awesome little spunky adopted Missy for the first time at the meet and greet after Friday's session. 

I love that this church is such a supporter and encourager of such great organizations! The past couple of years, they have supported My Sister's House, a safe place for women and children in the Atlanta area. 

This year, they have been huge supporters and ambassadors of refugees, which I so appreciate in this day and age. (If you have the slightest critical spirit toward refugees, I would highly encourage you to watch "The Good Lie" with Reese Witherspooon. Or read Immaculee Ilibagiza's "Left To Tell". These beautiful, brave people have been through more than we would even want to imagine.)

So, this year, they highlighted a relatively new organization out of Clarkston, GA (home of World Relief and primary location for refugees to be relocated and worked into our society). It is called Refuge Coffee. It was founded by a couple who had moved to Clarkston and fallen in love with the melting pot that they came to know there and felt it impressed upon them to come up with a way to both support the refugees through employment and at the same time, give them a place or a means of coming together and getting to know one another. The result was Refuge Coffee. 

For more information, please visit their website at: http://refugecoffeeco.com/ .

Need a Lift?

Tonight, after work, and sitting down with some dinner, and my thoughts (always dangerous)... I began to feel a bit overwhelmed. Discouraged. And a little broken down.

Just then, through misty eyes, I cast a glance outside. And I noticed a tow truck looping around in the parking lot. He circled around, facing away from me and then drew up his hitch... in the shape of a beautiful cross before me. The next minute, he was gone.

Such a sweet, simple reminder. 

If you're broken down... be it spiritually, emotionally, financially or physically... look no further than the cross. Its power can lift you back up and carry you on to a place of refuge and restoration.

Overcome

Thursday. The time had come. The aroma of the final supper fresh in the air. A few more moments left for any words yet left unspoken. Some words of advice. Some that cut deep. And some final words of reassurance. All spoken out of great love. And deep devotion. With great humility, dusty feet are lovingly washed. Even those of the one who would betray. Bread is broken. Wine shared and savored. Moments to be cherished. Symbols to be remembered.

A little while later, dusk settles in over a sheltering olive grove. Weary followers drift. While gut-wrenching prayers are offered up. Beads of sweat, mixed with that of blood. Final petitions for another way, ultimately relenting to the desire for a greater good.           

Friday. Beaten. Bruised. Humiliated. Scorned. Flogged. Broken, hanging on a cross. Bearing the brunt of the evil of a fallen world. Hopes are crushed. Broken hearts left grappling. 'Does it really end like this?' 'Where do we go from here?' Darkness falls. A veil is torn. One final breath draws out: “It is finished.”    

Saturday. Fresh blood still trails up the hillside. The body lays behind a large cold stone. Loved ones meet in heavy silence. No words sufficient to satisfy their souls. Lost. Alone. Confused. Broken. A jug on the table still holds some of the wine. The basin in the corner still holds dirtied water. What did it all mean? Was it all just in vain? It may seem like a dream if the pain weren’t so real. The void so profound. All hope lost. The final words that still linger in the air now only seem to mock their weary minds and torture their broken hearts. “It is finished” now resonates more than anything else.

“It is finished.”

That’s how it sometimes feels, doesn't it? Finished. A dream gets crushed. A relationship ends. A greatest fear becomes realized in an unexpected diagnosis.

But, it’s not necessarily finished, is it? At least not in the way our worldly minds tend to think. In a way that would lead us to believe that all we are left with are some lingering memories and a cold heavy stone before us.

No, if you are in Christ, you know that "It is finished" is not a resignation, but rather a declaration that a battle has been won. You may not yet see that victory played out, but you can rest assured that a greater work is taking place. And when that stone finally gets rolled away, you will be left singing His praises, wondering how you could have ever had the slightest doubt that He would overcome.

Burden of Hope

You know, I don't remember where I heard the term 'burden of hope'. But, it's been several years and it still resonates with me.

You might think... How could something as uplifting and optimistic as hope... be a burden?

Well, I suppose it has a lot to do with how long you carry that hope... for something in particular... when nothing seems to change.

Ten years ago... Wow... Can't believe it's actually been ten years...

Ten years ago, I went through the most difficult, life-altering year of my life. The proverbial straw snapped my proverbial camel's back, leaving me careening for something to grab hold of. Which lead me to my knees, at God's feet. In a crumpled, pitiful mess.

And He took me... Just as I was.

And He took me to a new place with Him. A place I'd never even considered before.

And I am so grateful. For Him. And even for that heart-breaking year.

I still remember listening to Jeremy Camp over and over and over during that time. Finding such comfort and reassurance as I'd cry myself to sleep. And encouragement to face another day that I just didn't have in me.

"Well I will walk by faith 
Even when I cannot see 
Well because this broken road 
Prepares Your will for me"

Over and over and over... 

Now, whenever I hear those words... that beautiful song... my heart can't seem to decide whether to hope... or hurt.

Still clutching onto those words... and the truth behind them... I think "... but this broken road was supposed to all prepare Your will for me, Lord. It was supposed to lead me somewhere. And Lord willing... to someone. But, it just feels like it's all been in vain. With only more broken road ahead."

Feeling forgotten.

And alone.

Carrying that burden of hope. 

A burden that only gets heavier the longer you hold onto it.

Going on 2 years ago, I stopped attending my church home on Sundays. 

A church I still dearly love to this day. 

A church I wouldn't miss for anything on Sundays, for 8 years straight.

People have inquired about my 'falling away' and I feel a little bad. I don't want anyone thinking it had anything to do with the church or its members. And it's not that I've drifted from God or fallen away from my faith. 

If anything, I'm trying to keep it intact. 

I haven't known how to answer.

To be honest, I don't even know that I could put my finger on the reason.

But, I think it has to do with that burden of hope?

I was desperate to meet with God during that difficult year. And He invited me in through the welcoming doors of my home church. And He showed up. TIme and time again. 

It felt like He had lead me to, yet lead me through, that dark time and had a will for me. For my life. That there was a purpose. A plan. For a future. And a hope.

That was ten years ago. 

And yet, I still seem stalled out on that same old broken road.

Trying desperately to continue... to shoulder that hope. 

You know, I would've thought, if anything, over time it would just crumble... eventually into a pile of dust. And I suppose that could happen. Should you decide the load is just too great to bear.

But, Lord, please help me to continue to bear my burden of hope.

"Help me to win my endless fears 
You've been so faithful for all my years"

Remind me... That if nothing else... You continue on this broken road right alongside me.

And that sure beats going it alone.

Amen.