Finance Initiative

I'm blessed to work for a company that strives to keep their employees' best interest in mind.

In an effort to promote wellness, they have a Wellness Program, encouraging employees to exercise more and eat better.

In an effort to encourage community involvement, they offer 2 paid Volunteer Work Days a year.

And this year, they've offered us the chance to participate in a Financial Wellness class. 

Seeing as I already eat healthier than anyone I know and I do volunteer at the church with the youth program (not that I couldn't do more)... the financial wellness is where I've needed the biggest nudge. And this program has been just the nudge I've needed.

I admit, for some time now, I've tended to live with more of a spirit of resignation that one of intention. And I want to change that. This year, I've determined to live more intentionally. With goals and a purpose. With hope. And renewed resolve.

So, this financial program came just at the right time. 

I must say, money has never been much of a driving force for me. I'm glad to have a decent job and grateful for the income it provides. But, as long as my bills are paid and I have a little left over to 'play with'... I'm good. I believe the more you have, the more you spend and the more you have to spend, the less the stuff you spend it on means (to some degree). 

And I hate math. I can do it. I just don't enjoy looking at numbers. Let alone crunching them. 

But, look ~ bubbles! I can do bubbles.  :)

This is my budget, in bubbles. The program they've set us up on takes any of your bank accounts, credit card accounts and so forth and it pulls them together to show how you're spending your money. They have other formats, but I like the bubbles. All I had to do was go in and set specific monthly budget costs for each category and it shows what I've spent and tracks when I come close to the budgeted amount. Or, in some cases, gone over (hence the red bubbles). 

We took the introduction class on March 7th - just over 10 days ago. And I have been ridiculously good so far. I think, for me, just the awareness and accountabilty was the kick in the pants that I needed. Seeing all that red in February was incentive enough to see how March could shape up. And seeing as I spend mostly through my credit card, my changes won't really reflect until April... but I think I'm on the right track! (Shopping in still red just because I haven't set a budget for that, because it's so vague. Starting wtih tracking the others first before I decide what would be reasonable for that category.)

Thankfully, I don't have any outstanding debt (which is a lot more than most folks my age can say). I just need to be better about saving instead of squandering. After all, our instructor reminded us that:  Saving is merely delayed spending. So, might as well stop squandering so I can spend it on something I can look forward to!  :)

January

I can't believe we've crossed off a whole month in the new year already. Like... January, 2017...gone. Crazy.

So, in an effort to capture some highlights... this month in pictures...

Of course, January was when we had our hopes for any sizable snow dashed.

Emery texted me throughout the morning, imploring me to come to their house to be good and ready for when it fell. My gut was telling me that we would end up with a good layer of ice instead, so I finished out the work day and hunkered down at home. Thankfully, my gut was wrong about the ice, but was sorry to be right about not much snow. We didn't get anything more than a cold rain in Covington (I even got up in the wee hours to check). They got a dusting at my sister's house. Sorry, Em. Maybe next time. 

I've attended about 4 women's events now at Johnson Ferry Baptist Church. It's a wonderful host church; always warm and inviting. And they have awesome speakers / musical guests. This year, Angie Smith spoke and her husband Todd, along with the rest of the Selah group sang. Selah had performed before and they are - a~mazing live. So, it was good to hear them once again. And though I'd read several books of Angie's, I had never heard her speak. She was phenomenal. We laughed. And we cried. For 2 days straight. Thanks to my sieve-like brain these days, I couldn't begin to recount what was spoken, but suffice it to say... it was a nourishing weekend. (Although I went with my friend, Sally, we happened to cross paths with my friend, Jen and her old roommate as well. That's Jen with Angie in the pic above.)  :)

And Casino Night didn't bring any tears (thankfully) but did bring plenty of laughs. 

This was our third annual Casino Night through our company and I was glad to be able to go this year. (I went 2 years ago and had a great time until my cohort puked his guts out in my car the entire ride home. And last year I was too sick to feel comfortable going.) Kristie and I tagged along with Kevin W and his lovely wife Julie (my first time really meeting her) and one of our new developers rode with us as well. Though Kevin was the only one from our group to win any raffle items, a good time was had by all. (What I wouldn't have given to have had one of those 'Donuts Went Down to Georgia'. Yum.)

Pursuit of Healthyness

   "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." 

I think one of the greatest, most isolating, frustrations with fighting a UC flare is that most people around you are unaware of the extent of the battle you're in.

I just keep feeling like Will Smith - and not just because I look like Hitch when he has an allergic reaction, thanks to my steroids - but in 'Pursuit of Happyness', as Chris Gardner. 

Every day is a struggle for survival.

Each day takes more out than it gives.

Each day throws more at him that knocks him down.

Yet, each day, he gets back up.

Each day, he finds new resolve.

Each day, he determines to get to the other side.

All the while, those all around him - both in passing and those with whom he interacts regularly - seem to have no idea of the struggle. The daily struggle. The battle to even remain where he is, let alone get where he wants to be. 

That's where I've lived for the better part of this year. (Since Jan 8, to be exact.)

2016 - The year of survival.

When you're in a flare, people can see the days that you're a mess. 

They can see when you're an emotional wreck.

They can see you lose exorbitant amounts of weight.

They might even see the frustration and despair on your worst days.

But, they have no idea of the struggle.

Thankfully, after nearly 6 months of fighting it on my own (and losing), I've finally been afforded a reprieve from this latest flare. But, even my 'healing' has come at a cost.

And I just keep hearing (from well-intentioned folks) "Well, I sure am glad you're better now. We were worried about you. You look so much better now; you've got some weight back on you and some color to you... That's awesome."

And I want to say... "But, I'm still such a wreck."

But, I don't want to sound like a broken record. Or someone just looking for attention or sympathy.

Yes, I managed to pack on 20+ pounds in about 2 weeks' time. 

But, I don't have any more strenth to carry it than I had to carry the 87 pounds.

Yes, I've gotten a couple decent tans that make me look healthier.

But, that's just my skin.

Yes, the steroids have managed my inflammation (and I am SO glad).

But, they have also caused me to retain so much fluid in my legs that by the end of some days, I can barely make it up my stairs. And they've made me look and feel like the Michelin Man. With juvenile acne. 

This weekend, I've experienced sharp pulsing pains in my feet, ankles and knees. Not sure why. May be due to my extended lack of vitamins and minerals. Or the drugs. Who knows.

I've still got a heart that feels like it's going to pound out of my chest; especially at night when I lay down.

I still have little to no energy or stamina. I typically have to sit down and rest a minute each morning, at some point, while getting ready for the day. From sheer exhaustion. This morning, I had to sit down after my shower, simply because I stood in there just a minute too long.

My body undoubtedly began to break down my own muscle as a means of obtaining any energy it could. How I now build that back... I'm not sure.

So, yes, I am fatter. And tanner. And SO glad to be able to eat again.

But, the battle isn't over. 

I'm still surviving each day.

One day, I hope to reach the other side. 

Until then... please just know, that the struggle is real. Even when it's not evident.

71 days... But Who's Counting

 This is how long this current UC flare has lasted... so far.

And I'm tired.

Physically. 

Mentally.

Emotionally.

Spiritually.

Tired.

People don't realize what a toll an IBD flare can have on someone.

In fact, there's quite a bit that people don't realize about Crohn's / Colitis, unless they've had to endure it themselves.

So, in an effort to spread awareness and shed a little light on these diseases (and maybe garnish just a little sympathy)  :)  ...

How the Ulcerative Colitis journey looks for me (though everyone's journey looks a little different):

I have been dealing with this chronic disease since January, 2004. Twelve years.

Thankfully, the first 10 years, I had a good run of maintaining on drugs that kept it under control. Every couple of years, eventually each drug would run its course and no longer be effective, but then I was able to just change meds and each subsequent one would work. Yay!

Until Fall, 2013.

By this point, all that was left was the heavy-duty, costly biologics; Humira, Remicaid and the likes. 

I have not yet been sold on their effectiveness outweighing the risks and side effects, and even in the best case scenario, I'd still just be buying time until they lost their effectiveness as well.

So, that's when I decided to take treating my colon into my own hands and adhering to a very strict SCD / Paleo lifestyle.

And it's worked remarkably well.

For a time.

Unfortunately, it doesn't matter how diligent you are, you can still find yourself in a flare. It's just the nature of the beast.

I had a good run. Over a year, meds-free, with no flare.

Until January 8th of this year.

Even though I had my ups and downs with UC since my diagnosis 12 years ago, I never fully understood the battle until I had to continue fighting a flare on my own, where meds had failed.

I have been bleeding (from my colon) for the better part of 71 days.

I think, oftentimes, people liken IBD (Crohn's / Colitis) to IBS, and though they do deal with the same part of the body, they are entirely different beasts. IBD is not simply having an upset stomach, as most people are familiar with. IBD is like having one or more volcanoes in your gut that erupt unpredictably and unmercifully, and during a flare - quite consistently. And with each eruption, your gut cramps up and instead of molten lava... blood.

And, this may be a little TMI, but in the spirit of full-disclosure and awareness ~ Just like a volcano builds up pressure, so these fissures build up air, which results in great urgency.

I never fully understood this before. When I was first diagnosed and read online about people lobbying for potty passes and talking about having an extra set of clothes with them, I thought they were just being dramatic. Now I know for myself. All too well.

The struggle is real. And relentless. There have been times when the bathroom door at work, which closes hydraulically, just about took 2 seconds too long to close before I could lock it behind me.

And during a flare, you can have these 'eruptions' up to 20 times or more a day.

This much blood loss often leads to anemia in IBD patients. 

Thankfully, this time around, I decided to supplement with iron, which has helped me tremendously, just to be able to function and not fall out during the day.

However, people tend to forget or just don't realize, that just because you look okay, doesn't necessarily mean that you feel okay.

The iron may be helping me pull myself out of bed in the morning, but I am still incredibly wiped out. One trip up my flight of stairs at home makes me feel like I've done an entire leg workout. I had several heavy bags of groceries one night and dropped my keys on the ground and I just looked down at them, wanting to cry. It took all I had to bend down with the groceries, pick up my keys and actually stand back up, with everything in hand. I may as well have been asked to take 12 steps in a Navy Master Diver uniform alongside Cuba Gooding, Jr. 

IBD flares don't only affect your gut. 

Due to my colon not functioning properly, my body is not absorbing the nutrients it normally would, that I need. I supplement with vitamins, but am still extemely depleted.

I have had countless foot cramps in the last couple of months. Undoubtedly, due to my lack of magnesium and potassium. And I feel certain that I'd have more energy if I retained more Vitamin B. 

Sleep deprivation is very common when in a flare. And not for a lack of being tired.

I had a couple nights this week, where I hardly got any sleep at all.

Wednesday night, the eruptions had me up every hour, on the hour. Nine times in nine hours.

Thursday night, I was a bit luckier; only up every couple of hours.

Let's just say, I live for the weekends at this point, to where I can just rest. And sleep, if needed.

And in the midst of all of this... I still have to cook. Daily.

The absolute last thing I want to do, after dragging through another day at work, is grocery shop. And cook. And clean dishes. And empty / load the dishwasher. Ugh. Let alone preparing and eating the same 5 foods that I have consumed for the past 70 days.

I would love some good comfort food. I still have an appetite. And all the same foods still look and smell and sound good. I just can't have them. Instead, I get to cook / eat one of 5 things. Again. Hamburger, Chicken, Zucchini, Sweet Potato or Bacon & Eggs. Ugh. What I wouldn't give for a Chick-fil-A chicken biscuit or a pound cake.

All of this to say... Please, if you know someone with Crohn's or Colitis, be merciful. 

Try not to judge their car that's long overdue for a washing. Or their floors that are long overdue for vacuuming. 

Try not to take it personally if they're cranky or moody. If their looks could kill or if they cry at the drop of a hat.

Try to refrain from phrases like "What's wrong with you? - Oh, you're still dealing with that?" or "What do you mean, you can't go _______ ?" "Do you have to be so strict on your diet? Can't you just splurge every now and again?" and my favorites "I didn't get the donut I wanted" and "What - donuts aren't on your diet?" (What the heck kinda diet do you know of that allows donuts?!) I swear, by the gods, if I had more energy, I would lay some people out for some of the stuff they say.

But, that's just the UC talking.

 

I'll Thank Me for this Later...

With this most recent flare-up with UC, I have tried to come up with ways to help ease at least some of the burden of maintaining the healthiest diet I can on a regular basis.

I think one of the things that contributed to my backslide and eventual downfall was organic corn chips. Of all things. But, I found a brand I really love and they're just light and crispy and oh, so good with organic salsa.

However, becoming so tired of cooking that I could literally cry at the mere thought of it, they had become a regular meal for me. Just something I could sit down with, not have to prepare and something that would sustain me til the next meal.

Now I'm paying for all those lazy nights. Dearly. Ugh. Oh, so dearly.

So - I am trying to make cooking meals throughout the week a little easier on myself. 

For starters, I am going to try to do more meal prepping on Sundays. Dice veggies. Shred cheese. That sort of thing. I think that'll help quite a bit in and of itself. Already got a jump on this week. Two bowls full of shredded cheese, sliced tomatoes, squash and zucchini and diced onion. I even tried throwing the onion into a chopper, but I don't think I'll continue that 'cheat'. The onion just releases too much juice that way and it wasn't but a few more chops on the board by hand. I think just not having to chop every time I'm making something will be a big help.

And if I could knock out a big helping of a vegetable, that will help. Today, I cooked up a big pot of green beans. So, those should get me through most of the week, right there. (Thankfully, I don't mind eating the same thing several days in a row.) That just leaves a meat and maybe a sweet potato (that I can just literally poke a couple times and throw into the oven for 40 min's) each day. 

And... after nearly 15 years... I finally caved and bought a dang microwave. 

I much prefer leftovers either pan-heated or broiled. But, if it's another way of keeping me from dirtying the same pan one. more. time and standing over that darned stove one. more. time... I might just be willing to sacrifice the full potential of my leftovers in order to maintain some measure of sanity.

At least right now. After hitting a major wall with this whole 'eat whole foods for the rest of my living days' thing. 

But, for now, it's time to decide what for dinner tonight...

{sighhhh}

Behold the Power... of a To-Do List

As I mentioned before, my New Year's Resolution is quite lofty this year - to keep a running To-Do List. 

I really know how to shoot for those stars, don't I?

But, I decided, if I could just keep a running To-Do List, this would keep me more on track. And on task. And before I know it, all sorts of things would get prioritized that would otherwise be forgotten or just procrastinated away.

I've not been real stringent with it. Just so long as I knock one or two things off the list a week, I'll be happy.

And it's funny what happens. You set out to do one thing on there, you end up doing 5 things that weren't on there. 

And there really is something gratifying about crossing something off that list. No matter how small. Funny really. But, it's true. And it really makes you want to do more, to cross more off the list.

Who knew, that putting some pen to a little piece of paper could be so powerful.

I might even stick to this resolution!

Good Intentions...

Well. With the new year, comes all that renewed optimism of 'doing better this year!'

I've never been a huge resolution maker. At least, not one with lots of grand plans and endeavors. But, I do tend to try for a fresh start at least. And have good intentions like most everyone else.

This year, I'm keeping it simple.

I'm not sure what made me really think of it and not really sure why I've not done this before. But, I've decided to be a more avid list maker. To-Do Lists, in particular.

Like I said: simple.

Certainly nothing profound, but I just feel like if I could keep a manageable To-Do List going throughout the year, it could improve lots of areas of my life. Keep me more organized. Lessen some stress. Keep me on task. Feel accomplished. Give me more incentive. I really don't know why it hasn't occured to me before now.

So far, I'm on already on my 2nd draft list (having crossed off most everything on the 1st one) and have crossed off 2 items on this one! 

I'm on a roll.

As I said, I do like a good fresh start, too. So, I used this last holiday weekend to clean and purge. And I finally made the desk (that's been a catch-all for 13 years or more) a practical, inviting space. I am so prone to just plop down on the couch after work each evening and once I do, tend to lose any resolve of doing anything productive - even if it's to read. 

So, I'm hoping with my renewed desk space, that I'll be encouraged to be more productive. Read. Study. Write. Mark off my check list.  :)

So, keeping it simple and managable this year. 

So far, so good.   :)

Catching Up...

Wow.
I can practically hear chirping crickets when I come back to this blog. Absolutely no posts since last year at this time? Geez.... Pitiful.

Gonna try to do better about that this year.
Boy... sounds familiar, huh.

Anyway - So, 2014 for me in a nutshell...

Did end up paying for all that culinary indulgence by the end of January.
Big time. 

Worst flare of my life - lasted from beginning of February 'til the first weekend in May. It was rough. I lost 30 pounds overall, was totally depleted in every way possible and felt like I would never feel good again.
Enough to pretty much scare me straight and give me the kick in the pants that I needed to really go all out with eating strictly Paleo/SCD. Pretty proud of myself actually. And you know, it actually gets SO much easier once your body gets used to all the good new food. It actually starts craving the good stuff. And now that I'm not so overwhelmed with it all, I'm actually enjoying my new normal foods. I've got all new go-to meals and have been learning so many great new items. (Like Spaghetti Squash - how fun is that stuff! And I have learned that I love avacados. And asparagus. Who knew.)

And the best part was... it all got me feeling better again by June, which allowed me an awesome weekend in my beloved Boston (long overdue trip!) with my friend! I was quite anxious leading up to that weekend, not sure I wouldn't start to flare again, but so glad to report that I felt great! And we had such a good time there. 

Awwww.... Boston. How I love you so.

Let's see... what else.

I don't know that I actually kept up with the empty shelf reading challenge per se (kinda tough to do when so much of your library is virtual these days); however, I did read a fair amount of books last year. Not as many as I'd have liked to have read, but not bad considering all the time I spent online reading up on health and food issues. 

Big news this past Fall - our company merged with another company and we now have benefits! Yay! Hadn't had insurance since 2011. Just feels good to have that safety net there again. Now to just keep my job.  :o

I managed to foster 3 more stray cats that somehow all seemed to find their ways to me. And all 3 ended up in very loving homes... So glad. 

The first was a beautiful, soft sweet little baby that greeted me out in the parking lot of my apartment complex one Saturday morning. I was headed over to Mom and Dad's to hang with them and the kids, so I just took her with me. She was very sweet. And did I mention soft? Just like a bunny rabbit. Of course, Mom and Dad wished me the best of luck with her, so I took her on back home. Two weeks of having her, I was completely ready to keep her (though Li'l Bit still needed convincing). Then a friend called me up and asked if I was still looking for a home for it. *Gulp* She assured me that her Aunt and Uncle wanted one just like her, as they'd lost one just as beautiful. And their dog was depressed and hadn't eaten since they'd lost theirs. *Gulp* So, I took the sweet baby up to Commerce with her and checked out her new living quarters... Let me just say - I almost asked if they'd adopt me, too! Beautiful piece of property! Beautiful home! And Charlie, the dog, was either convinced that this was indeed his new best friend... or his old friend come back to life. So sweet. Humongous dog - most assuredly scared the snot out of my baby, but word has it, they are now best of friends and she torments him relentlessly.  :)

Just a matter of weeks after giving her up, I ran up to Kroger real quick (as I had just thrown something in the oven that needed to be taken out in about 30 min's) and coming back home, as I passed right by Mom and Dad's, I spot a black figure in their turn lane... "Lord, please just let it be trash, please let it be trash..... Dangit! Another kitten?!" Wheeled around, headed toward their turn lane, turned in, got out and walked toward the all black kitten so as not to scare him into the busy road. Scared? Ha! He walked right up to me! So, still in a hurry and taking advantage of this one being on their actual property line, I tossed him into my passenger floor board and said "C'monnnn..." Mom and Dad were just sitting down to dinner and I walked in with him and said "Alright - this one's yours. Your property. Your cat." They weren't too keen on the idea, but needless to say, his name is now Jack and his favorite pasttime is wrestling with Gracie (the adopted dog) and he can't go to sleep at night until he's kneaded Grandpa's stomach.  :)  (I come by it very honestly.)

Jack was initially supposed to go to Ms. Pam's house, but we (and he) just got too attached. So, we laughingly said "Don't worry - you'll get the next one she finds." Never thinking I would actually come across another in such a short amount of time. Let alone, one that looks just like Black Jack. 

I stepped out my door one morning, leaving for work and there was another jet black cat, pitifully tucked in behind our stair railing looking up at me with eyes that I swear said "I heard you take in loving cats in need of a loving home..." Ugh. So, I let him in, locked him in the bathroom with some kitty litter and food and water, while I went to work. Came home at lunch to check on him and didn't think I'd be able to. That rascal had opened my vanity drawer to where the door couldn't swing open any more than 1/4 inch. Had to take a pencil with an eraser and scooch the drawer back closed. He was another sweet one. He now lives happily with Pam.  :)

Wow. Could've done a whole post just on cat fostering.

Hopefully, that's all for awhile. I don't need another, I'm pretty sure Mom and Dad are maxed out now and my heart can't take it!

Besides... Li'l Bit is quite happy keeping to herself in her older years.

Well. I better wrap it up. I might not find anything else to blog about for another year. Best pace myself.

Happy New Year, whomever reads this.  :)