Sometimes I feel the need, being never married at 45, to put some sort of disclaimer out there. To set the record straight, as it were, and to counter any quiet misconceptions folks may have. Now, these don’t necessarily apply to anyone unmarried in their 40’s, but they certainly pertain to me:
- Too picky – I’m not any pickier than I feel I deserve. If he doesn’t bring at least as much as me to the proverbial table, or we just don’t connect in a meaningful way… why would I settle? We’re talking the person you would spend the rest of your life with. Day in and day out.
- Commitment phobe – Okay, I do tend to overanalyze and am not one who jumps in quickly, but once I do commit, I am all in and desire that opportunity very much.
- Haven’t met any good guys or been in any serious relationships – I have had a handful of some of the best, most wonderful, caring, considerate guys out there. And I thank God for each one to this day – for all they brought me and taught me. But for whatever reason, they didn’t work out. I’m grateful to them for setting the bar so high that few can surpass it. I know that should I find one who does, he’ll be worth the wait.
- Don’t like boys – Trust me. From the days of Mike Seaver to watching Chris Pratt taming dinosaurs on the big screen, safe to say the attraction is still going strong. And aside from that, I just like how the differences can complement each other. And I long for someone to bring that balance to my life.
- Just a strong independent woman – Nope. I’m no stronger than I have to be. And I’m grateful for the strength that I’ve been forced to develop having been on my own for so long. But, I pray that I can find someone I can lean on and into. Someone to lift me up and challenge me that I can hopefully do the same for one day.
- Likes to live alone – I do tend more to the introverted side, but I’m wired for companionship. I do enjoy alone time (and definitely have grown accustomed to living life my own way), but I need relationship. I’ve always felt better being in relationship – even the wrong ones and I still very much desire to share my life and space with someone.
- Happy just to have cats in my life – Saying this one more time… I only have one cat. And for the record, she adopted me. And if I were married, nobody would think a thing about it. I love most all animals, but they certainly don’t replace relationships. I’m so grateful for my sweet girl, who has, for 13 years now, greeted me and snuggled with me and made me laugh and smile… but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love to ride down the road, in the passenger seat, feeling connected and secure. And have someone to come home to and talk to and have dinner with. And just all the things.
- Have given up – No. I mean, discouraged, yeah. Most definitely, by this age and in this day and age. But given up. No. I feel so strongly that I was meant to partner with someone in this life, I honestly don’t know how to give that up, even if I wanted to.
Do with these what you will, but here they are. My defense in the age of women’s lib and same-sex attraction and cultural mentality of “If you haven’t married by 40, there must be something wrong”… Who knows, maybe some of us just want to be sure to get it right the first time and there’s nothing wrong with that. 😊
Jessica
